“My manager is toxic. Can you really help?”
I hear this far too often from prospective clients.
Don’t despair: Relationship Wisdom can help even with toxic people 🤛
When it comes to toxic people, very little helps. That’s true. But it’s not nothing.
I had three toxic managers over the course of my 24-year career. I feel your pain. I wish to help.
Toxic people are not difficult people who occasionally frustrate us.
Psychology has clinical descriptions but here is simple language that might resonate:
Blame. Crisis. Escalation. Manipulation.
This is the cycle toxic people use to control others.
A toxic person systematically blames, manufactures crises, escalates the smallest thing, then uses the fallout to manipulate both your emotions and your behaviours.
Do any of the following examples remind you of someone?
Let me stop because I am starting to feel nauseous but I could go on, couldn’t I?
Every sentence is a putdown.
Each question is invasive.
In that way, toxic people make you feel small.
Less than. Less than them, for sure.
More importantly: toxic people make you feel less than who you know yourself to be.
Toxic people erode your sense of self.
Here are some typical coping strategies:
1️⃣ disappearing – avoiding them, staying out of their way, even trying not to breathe too loud.
2️⃣ maladapting – over-explaining, over-apologising, and over-working.
3️⃣ confronting – fighting fire with fire, risking retaliation or becoming the scapegoat.
None of it works for very long, does it?
You second-guess yourself constantly. You lose sleep. You walk on eggshells in the office.
The Relationship Wisdom pivot: become appropriately selfish.
👥Find allies: toxic people isolate their victim so speak with those who will validate you. Reconnect with the facts, not their distortions. Return to yourself. Get support.
🤜 Hold your ground: toxic people mess with your mind so disengage. Ignore them, give them the silent treatment. When speaking, just repeat what you think and know.
👣 Walk away – ask for a transfer, find a new job. Find somewhere else to thrive. Use your support system to help you plan your exit, review your CV or rehearse your interviews.
Turn self-preservation into a strategy.
If you have a toxic person in your life, please take one small step forward today 🙏
Which one will it be?
📞 + 41 79 532 4754
📧 alexandra@coachingforinspiration.com
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