Flight as Relationship Wisdom, not cowardice: in praise of avoidance.
When I was 16, philosophy entered my life to feed a hunger I didn’t even know I had: I wanted meaning. Often confused, I also wanted advice: not my parents’, biased, nor my friends’, just as clueless as I. I appreciated philosophy’s variety of viewpoints and the space to reflect in peace. The chance to choose for myself. One of the thinkers I still turn to today is Henri Laborit.
Laborit wasn’t a philosopher; he was a surgeon and a neurobiologist. In Praise of Flight, he discusses our core responses to adversity: fight or flight. In my family, we called flight ‘cowardice’.
It seems many grew up being told that flight is not just spineless but also ineffective.
I disagree and I want to encourage you to give flight a chance.
The other day, a client protested: “Avoidance only provides relief in the moment; it doesn’t solve anything”. In fact, he explained how ignoring his problems had only made them worse.
Our exchange got rather feisty: “I don’t need to escape Alexandra; I need a solution”.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t fight his way out either. He had tried to, and it backfired.
Back in 1976, Laborit explained in simple terms how flight is often the only healthy option when faced with a situation he called “gridlocked”. He rejected society’s label of flight as cowardice.
He argued that flight avoids not only self-defeating fight, but harmful paralysis.
He called retreating, running away, stepping back, taking a detour “vital acts of self-preservation”.
“When was the last time you fled?”, I asked him. I expected him to say ‘never’ or ‘when I was nine’.
Instead, he shared how he had escaped noisy neighbours by moving out. Last year.
He had tried talking to them, of course. He had even called the police.
In the end, he chose escape over murder.
As he told me that story, his mind saw the parallels with his workplace challenge.
He had tried conversation and negotiation. He had appealed to his own manager; and to HR.
In the end, he chose escape over murder.
In a large banking group, he went to a different business unit.
The Relationship Wisdom pivot:
You recognize when a situation is gridlocked and choose flight over futile combat.
You understand when avoidance is not weakness but strategic intelligence.
You discover the Relationship Wisdom of strategic disengagement.
When you can’t fight and you need to maintain your freedom, give flight a chance.
When the rat race or social conventions weigh you down, how about making a run for it?
This post is dedicated to D.
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