Stop Interacting with Ghosts 👻

You are being let down by a ghost 👻

Not by your manager. Or your colleague. Or your team member.
Rather: you are being let down by the version of people that exists ONLY  in your head.

When I was in Australia recently, everyone called us “you guys.”  Waiters, guides… everyone. At first I found it painfully casual. Then I realised: it wasn’t rudeness, it was friendliness. So I started calling everyone “mate.” 😏Nothing about them changed. Only how I thought of them in my head.

We do this with people at work all the time.

You think your manager is careless.  This colleague selfish. That team member lazy.

But if I ask you for a story to prove it, you might realise you don’t actually have one.

Relationship Friction can arise from relating to the idea of someone rather than who they are.

You interact with your ideas of someone rather than the person in front of you because:

• You are blind to your cultural and social conditioning and assume others share your values.
• You see someone’s potential and expect them to live up to it.
• You are unaware how your past experiences unconsciously shape your perception.

When you feel let down by someone, it might be because you want them to be someone they’re not.

The people you think are your manager and colleagues are ghosts.

The Relationship Wisdom pivot: approach others with humility and curiosity.

• Humility will help you shift from assuming you know them to accepting that you don’t know.
• Curiosity will open your mind to values and behaviours you never even imagined.
• Both together will allow you to get to know the person by creating a comfortable environment where both of you can open up and manage each other’s expectations

This works to repair difficult relationships as much as to build new connections!

The next time you feel let down, ask yourself: are you frustrated with them, or with the version of them you invented? 😊

PS: this post is dedicated to C and V.

 

📞  + 41 79 532 4754
📧 alexandra@coachingforinspiration.com
#coachingforinspiration