Relationship Wisdom in practice: taking appropriate responsibility is the hardest step.
The other day, I was outlining a customised coaching journey for a prospective client burdened by Relationship Friction.
She interrupted me: “It wasn’t my fault.”
Until then, she had been smiling. Her body language had been relaxed and open.
I saw her visibly tense.
In fact, I literally saw her mind slip into blame.
Her mind – whose purpose like all human minds is to protect us – didn’t want her to take responsibility. Instead, it was telling her someone else was to blame.
Our minds want to give us the gift of innocence, whispering excuses like: “The world is unfair.” Or “The timing was off.”
We feel such relief when it’s not our fault.
Your mind makes you a victim – to be comforted, consoled – how about a hug?
When all you are is the victim of an unfair universe, you feel soothed in that short moment.
That seems to me like a high price to pay: you abdicate your agency in favour of comfort.
Only short-term comfort to boot because, if you’re a victim, then you are vulnerable, fragile.
Soon, you will be victimised again. And again.
I offer you a way out: take responsibility instead – ONLY for the part you play (or played).
This is a crucial milestone. The moment you own your share of a fractious relationship, you gain the power to take that first, most critical step toward resolving it.
I promise: taking responsibility is not painful: a quick pinch and then you feel liberated.
That’s what happened for my client. She opened her mind to reflecting about her contribution to not just one but several difficult work relationships. She stopped dreading going to the office.
If you made it this far, here is this week’s stimulating quote. It’s from Marcus Aurelius, famed Roman Emperor but to me, a wonderful human being and inspirational Stoic philosopher:
“If we judge as good and evil only the things in the power of our own choice, then there is no room left for blaming gods or being hostile to others.”
Want to have a go? 🤔
📞 + 41 79 532 4754
📧 alexandra@coachingforinspiration.com
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