Relationship Wisdom isn’t as difficult as you think it is. Here is a small tutorial.
I recently had a milestone birthday.
That day, a saleswoman from a shop I frequent emailed me a birthday greeting.
She mentioned my age in a way I found clumsy. Annoyed, I sent just a curt reply.
To her credit, she sensed it: she called and wondered if she had upset me.
I replied: “I am not mad but I didn’t like your note. Can you see why?”
She said: “No but can I reread it?”
Tip #1: Keep your side of any potentially challenging dialogue simple.
Tip #2: Invite the ‘offender’ to think.
Well done #1: She owned her text and indicated a willingness to be curious and engage.
After a minute, she added: “I wanted to say that at your age, I hope to be as wise as you.”
Well done #2: If you notice you irritated someone, a compliment is a nice way out – provided it is sincere.
I knew she was sincere because of the sort of conversations we’d had.
‘Wise’ was a heart-warming touch which made me smile.
“I appreciate the sentiment,“ I responded, “ but would you say that this is what you actually wrote?”
Tip #3: Acknowledge anything that’s good about your interlocutor’s offering.
Tip #4: Continue to invite them to think for themselves.
“Maybe not…. I’m sorry. I think you’re great”.
Well done #3: She chose to give in gracefully – a clever sales assistant who got to keep my business!
“What would you do differently? “, I pushed.
Tip #5: Don’t try this at home. I take liberties because I have a purple belt in Relationship Wisdom 😉
She hesitated. I coaxed. She offered two other sentences. I whooped with joy. She laughed.
Nine times out of ten, it is possible to tell someone their words didn’t land well with you.
Yes, you need their cooperation and you might not get it.
Even so, with simple words and a soft demeanour, you can speak your truth almost any time.
Each small act of Relationship Wisdom is practice for the moments that truly matter.
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