Beat Relationship Friction by making up a reason not to disengage.

When Relationship Friction bites, we typically have one of two immediate, instinctive reactions:

Anger or withdrawal.

This post focuses on withdrawal—that paralyzing feeling, the instinct to run, to disengage.

For example,

  • When an important conversation doesn’t work out, you freeze and become mute.
  • When your colleague’s baffling behaviour mystifies you, you start avoiding them.
  • When your manager overlooks your contribution, you struggle to prove them wrong.

When you feel that impulse to pull back, you might think: “Things happen for a reason.”

But that reason is rarely obvious when you are upset and wishing it would all go away.

My suggestion: don’t wait for that reason to land on your lap—just make it up.

I invent a reason to be curious, such as “I wonder what motivated him to act that way” OR “I really want to find out what made this conversation derail”.

A friend of mine invents altruistic reasons, such as, “I wonder if I can reassure him so he stops his nasty behaviour.”

Importantly, the reason need not be reasonable. All it has to do is make sense to and for you.

When Relationship Friction rears its ugly head and you feel like withdrawing, resource yourself with a reason to keep going. Make that moment of Relationship Friction just a setback—not an ending.

In summary, to combat that urge to disengage, create a reason that

  1. allows you to side-step blame (see post of 18 November 2025). Blame drains energy.
  2. gives you energy to stay engaged and consider the relationship obstacle afresh.

Every time you defeat Relationship Friction, you grow into your Relationship Wisdom.

Relationship Wisdom builds up your social skills and your resilience💪🏻

 

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📧 alexandra@coachingforinspiration.com
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