You think apologizing will make it better? Think again!
Just recently, a client asked me to review an email to their manager.
Two phrases stood out:
“I hope you won’t think me forward.” And: “I trust this email won’t anger you.”
At first glance? Respectful and even empathic. In reality…
Those two sentences would damage the relationship between manager and team member.
How paradoxical! Although my client’s Relationship Wisdom told him his manager might not like his message, his delivery risked provoking the very Relationship Friction he wished to avoid.
Here is why: “I trust this email won’t anger you” suddenly invited an emotional reaction. It asked his boss to manage the sender’s anxiety about his manager’s reaction. The message shifted from “Here is an important insight” to “Please reassure me you are not angry.”
The takeaway: be wary of eliciting emotional reactions which will burden people.
As for “I hope you won’t think me forward”, it risked undermining my client’s authority because apologizing for a competent observation signals that you doubt your own value.
The callout: take care that your humility does not undermine your credibility.
A strong performer does not apologize for their candour.
Instead, they stand by the value of their reflection.
My client chose to stand firm on the truth of his observation without apology or dilution.
He came across as knowledgeable, self-assured and – crucially – emotionally stable.
His poise showcased his emotional stability – which managers and peers highly value.
Poise is the foundation of the courage to tell it like you see it.
Respectful self-confidence is your safeguard against offense.
Appeasement only feeds Relationship Friction.
The Relationship Wisdom Pivot: Next time you’re about to hit ‘send’ on a “Sorry for being direct” email – read it again and imagine the person experiencing only your value and poise.
And it’s the same in conversation: don’t confuse consideration with back-pedalling.
Does your humility serve your message, or is it just a shield for your ego?
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📧 alexandra@coachingforinspiration.com
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